This part of my life… this part right here? This is called "happyness."

This is not going to be a story like Christopher Gardener, he was in way bigger troubles than what I’m trying to emphasize here.

The final year of my B-Tech Life, oh wait, let me make it last one and a half years. Those were the days when depression and anxiety caught me, not just me, many of us. Suddenly, there were too many things happening around. Placements season/ Apping/ CGPA improvement/ B-Tech Project/ Social Life/ Pressure from the family and society. This is when I started to realize how society has a say about leading my life, my own life! Strange right? Of-course it is.Β 
For me, all I wanted was to concentrate on “Apping/Btech project/Improving CG”, but there were times when I was infinitely forced into thinking about the placements for which I’ve had no importance. It wasn’t a significant part of my life, but, I had to think about it. As good as the tagline of “IIT” seems to be, it is also very bad, very very bad, and only an IITian can understand this. With the news about job offerings of 1.5cr to IIT students, everyone starts assuming that that’s how every IITian gets paid. Why can’t anyone understand there aren’t jobs offering 1cr n more for the thousands of IIT’ans passing out every year. Looking at these news, our parents, relatives and social peers start to force you to get a job worth so much and insult you if you can’t.

For apping and placements, cgpa is known to be critical, so this was the last chance for everyone to improve on that. Apart from these, we had to finish our BTECH projects successfully on time, it was more imp for apping students. And when you realize that you’ve the worst guide ever, that just makes it more miserable. Once you realize that you invest all your wealth and happiness into something and you know Β very well that it’s collapsing? Life turns upside down! Similar things happened in my life, almost similar πŸ˜›

Inspite of investing almost 24*7 into my lab works and projects, leaving my social life behind, there was no support or encouragement I needed. Overcoming my family pressures about settlement/job/apping just added a LOT n LOT to the existing problems.

That’s when depression and anxiety started to take a toll. They were teammates and I was on opposing team. Their one and only goal was to drag me down. They made me paranoid, they made me feel useless, and they stole all energy and motivation.

However, sometimes they go on a vacation, I never know how long the vacation will last, but, I get my stuff back and then concentrate on accomplishing the goals while they’re away. Because, I never know when they will come back, it may be a few hours or a few days. I never know. I do know that I’ve to get ready to enter the battle when they return.

I got soo used to being unhappy and depressed that I’m still kind of travelling in the same phase. All my plans started to ruin right in front of my eyes, but somehow, I defeated them all. Somehow, really, I never understand what happened to my life that time πŸ˜› With lots and lots of pressure around me, in all directions, I was no less than a “Freaking misanthrope” πŸ˜› I survived all these only because of my friends support, mainly SRINIVAS and JUNAID. They were not totally successful to make me get over my feelings, but were there when I needed and probably why I am still writing a post now. My friends were more happy than me when I got an admission at Dal and when I successfully submitted my bachelors thesis in time. I failed to realize that some good things were happening around me πŸ˜› But they did.

(P.S: I’m so bored of my life that I’m not investing the minimum amount of time on this post. πŸ˜› Don’t ask me why I’m writing it in the first place, coz I started the draft one year ago :P)

This fight only made me stronger (I guess πŸ˜› )! Now if someone tries to steal my thunder, I am ready to let them know that they’ve no role to play in my life.

Found a zen pencils article which rolls on something related. Go through it. πŸ™‚


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